believe me I know depression is nothing to laugh about, as I myself am trying to deal with another bout of it. you really wanna try and do and be the person you wish you could be, but your stupid brain, ugh, the thoughts in your brain are holding you back they may be “why bother?” and you can’t think of a reason..or you can but immediately another thought jumps into your head such as “don’t bother” and you can only think, well if I do try, and it don’t work then why would I EVEN try, you begin to outway the negatives to the positives..I dealt with this today and it was scary..
I have been doing an internship at a hospital, and I haven’t gone for like 3 weeks, and I finally fought myself out of all the arguements in my head, and wrote down what I wanted to say, I had to write it down, because otherwise I would have wussed out, and the thoughts in my head would have over powered the words on the paper, and in my heart.I had to call an apologize for being such a poor intern, I was scared, oh man, was I scared, I just sat by the phone, picking it up to dial, and then I would hang it up before I got the whole number out, just sitting there, puffing on my cigarrette, trying to over talk the other thoughts in my head and keep telling myself “just do it” suck it up and call” trying to keep out, the don’t bother, there gonna tell you they don’t want you back, that yes, you were a poor intern, and don’t bother” I finally let out the longest sigh, being shit scared and picked up the phone and dialed…I made the call, and explained my situation, and told them the truth about the depression, I NEVER try to use the depression as an excuse, but there are times ehen it becomes your life, and there is nothing more you can do about it, than be honest..people are more understanding than you may know, this call, turned out to be the one call that I am happy to have made today. they did understand, and they said they are willing to give me another chance.
I need to push forward and not let the thoughts in my head, or the thoughts you may have in your head rule, your life, life is all about “what if” and it can be bad, and it can be good,gotta learn to take the punches, and fight back, roll with the waves and surf.” I know I am not the only person in the world but some of the words in your head and maybe in your heart can make it seem that way, but you never are, and never will be. take it from experience,