Allright peeps, Im gonna start out by telling you this, I have STOMACH ISSUES..every DAMN day.  I’ve been to a gastroenterologist but have never gotten an “official” diagnosis, but I myself think its.I.B.S.  but who knows..

yesterday was no damn different, and I should’ve known I shoud’ve!

but anyway here is the story of my yesterdays mad dash.

I finally got to eat for the 1st time yesterday @ about 5pm, so I ended up eating Mcdonalds..because my mom burnt the beans and ham soup she was making in the crock pot.LOL.

I was eating when she was like man,  I need cigarettes, so I told her I have my asthma prescrip I need to pick up @ walgreens, and I can pick her up some then, well she had to go and be like when will that be? so I finished eating, and promptly left because god knows when she needs something she needs it RIGHT NOW!( YES, EVEN IF YOU ARE DOING HER A FAVOR, SHE WANTS IT DONE RIGHT AWAY) So I walked out to the  car, and I felt it immediately, my stomach feeling a little bit crampy, and I know I should have waited, but I didn’t. I got into the car, and was thinking of other things I could possibly spend money on that I don’t need while I am there.  My stomach felt fine on the 10 minute drive there, but as I got out of the car, it cramped again, but it wasn’t bad so I continued on. I went in and got the prescription first, because if I started shopping I would have just forgotten it. I was standing in a damn line for the prescription, it STARTED..I could feel it, my stomach got hot, and crampy, and my asshole started to dialate. I was like oh my f–in god, no way..I got the prescription and  made a mad dash for the counter to check out and get my mom cigs, i asked the clerk for  Marlbro 100s box, and he brings back the wrong kind, but I was like I am about to shit all over myself in the store, so I just took them and tried to run as best as I could while clamping ass cheeks together to the car. I got in the car and started praying please god let me make it to a bathroom, and I was thinking where is the nearest bathroom? holiday, but traffic won’t let you cross..so I thought shit, I’ll have to go to Mcdonalds 6 blocks down. I could get there fast, considering there is only one traffic light between here and there. so i sped down the street and I was praying “please god, let me make it” as I came to the traffic light I started doing the lamaze breathing, I could feel the sweat coming on my forhead, I was clenching the buttcheeks..and the light was RED!  I started praying please god let the light turn green, and just as I was pulling up to the car infront of me, the light turned green. YAY! the asshole 25 in a 40 switched lanes so I could speed to the mcdonalds. I made it to McDonalds. I found an easy open parking spot, jumped out the car, put the alarm, and ran to the door,  sped walked past the counter and walked straight to the ladies, praying a stall would be open, and there was. Hallelujah<sp?> I ran into a stall got my my pants and undies down quicker than the speed of light, and let it go…flushing while it was going..so the noise would be muffled. I thank god, while sitting on the porcelain crown for letting me make it. I finished the business, and washed my hands <mcdonalds has the cheapest toilet paper, EVER!> I sped walked right past the counter, and back to the car.

Thankful that it was over, I went home (stopping to get the right cigarettes on the way)

I went home and told my mom~ THAT WAS NOT FUN~and explained the little detour and events..

some of you maybe wondering why I did not just let it go in the car? well, My car was stolen so I have been given a rental car..

would you poop your pants in this car?

yeah, I didn’t think so…

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