cause my ass needs to go to bed soon.

im getting Jealous of everybody for everything. They all have men in their lives who love them, and some of these women I cannot stand, but yet I am jealous of them! its all fucked up lately and I think its time to go for professional help here, I am not getting better, in my eyes as I see everything right now, nothing is getting better things are only getting worse.

i cannot be like this anymore, I cannot have my feelings controlling my life, and yet at this point they are. I was about to call and tell my best friend (you know the very 1st new preemie mommy) that I cannot be her “maid of honor” because I was so upset that she went to the bridesmaid damn birthday party, and actually stayed and had fun with her, but yet for mine she came over for an hour and we just sat and talked. and did nothing else. I mean the hurt is really there. Im like why the hell does she want me to be her damn brides maid when she loves spending so much damn time with that bitch (who she knows I can’t stand)


it was that way @ the baby shower, and someone was writing down the gifts she was getting, and my bff, was just complimenting up a storm about her earlier, before we arrived. and I thought, well why don’t they just be bffs’ then? they like each other so damn much. damn, i would be easy to replace (I can’t stop the tears from falling)

phooh..(trying to compose myself)

My true thought is” I don’t belong here anymore my purpose here is over”

that’s a very scary feeling to have and a very scary way to feel. I mean, how can i after having a thought(s) like that continue to look and pretend like everything is okay?