Please Excuse me, I was vomiting in public all over my blog. that was very rude of me.

I guess it just becomes very hard to believe in yourself sometimes. I get to doubting myself, and then I end up doubting others and truths. I think I do need help, but 1st I am gonna try and do it myself god damn it. I have been told in the past that I have NO VITAMIN D, in my system. and that can really have alot to do with depression, so tomarrow (weather permitting) I am gonna go the store and get fish oil gel thingies, calcium pills..(cause I will be 30 soon.lol.don’t slap me!) and flax seed. green tea pills, and all that kinda stuff. try and do it herbally, well, not TRY and do it herbally, but I mean try to get my body balanced and see if that helps.I am gonna try and give it 2 mos.but if I don’t feel Care Bear lovin by then I know it will be time to go for the scripts.

Actually I have seen commercial for some new anti-depressants recently, and then they say the side affects, and I am like oh my god, why would anyone want to take that and possibly have those side effects. but I guess dealing with  possible anal leakage, would keep you so paranoid, that you won’t have long enough to have suicidal thoughts.(sorry, that was not funny)

I was diagnosed with Md, when I was 18? (I believe)and I was also considered to be slightly, Bi-polar(whats up, Brit?) so ,they had me trying out lithium for a week or two. and  from what I remember(about 4 years ago) my thoughts where never clearer, my actions, never more purposeful, I knew what I was doing, and why. BUT THEN THEY SAID NO, YOU HAVE POSSIBLE A.D.D., with major depression, which I guess works out, in that I could never keep a thought of suicide, long enough to actually act on it.(shit, sorry, that wasn’t funny!)

can you see I am feeling better?

thanks for the comments from last post.

I am worthy, of my son, and this blog, I love both, and am worthy of both. I am really starting to believe it, and want to trust and believe in myself.

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