I am asking the question of Am I worthy of trying to have/do this blog? cause damn,  I’ve been wanting to write, but every-time I do the words and thoughts I want to be write get me all jumbled up, and nothing get said right. ain’t that terrible? this is something I created myself, and yet I am sitting here asking if I am worthy of it? I wonder that about my son sometimes too. although I carried him for  41weeks 6 days, I wonder if I am worthy of being his mother

I am trying to help myself, get through this life, without ASKING for help. I know I very well can ask for help( I had an excellent therapist I saw for years). I know I can go back ,but I the thing is I DON’T WANT TO.  Its just comes to being one more thing that I will have to ask for help for and find a babysitter for.

just like a god damn domestic abuse relationship, it ends for a little bit, just long enough for me to forget, and then the cycle starts all over again. I need a damn cigarette.

My damn thoughts stress me out. I will have a decent thought of how I can get something done, and then the NEGATIVE part of my brain or sub-conscious fucking has to chime in and is all ” well you can’t/shouldn’t do that, because” and the fucking excuse seems to always make some sort of fucking sense. so  I always am sub-cumming to my negative thoughts. why the hell is that? why do I not have enough fucking confidence in myself to just get shit done. ?

So, the reason I am asking myself and the blog world ” am I worthy” is because..my Negative sub-conscious told me to. but in my heart, I allready know the answer. I just gotta choose to believe in myself to believe it.